Our days

The places we visit together,
the people we meet together,

the days we are together,

Are ours.

Boxed

Probably the heaviest barbecue chicken in the world.

Its like made of lead or something.

It was super heavy.

And I'm already using two hands and I can feel my muscles straining and aching.

Geeeze!! I felt I was gonna get hemorrhoids just by carrying it!
And this was just at the warm food section at Woolies!!

Phew!!

Relief after I got the chicken into the trolley.

*sigh*

This was gonna be a very long shopping experience.

***** Three hours earlier *****

"RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN!!!
KEEEP THOSE WEIGHTS CHEST HIGH!!
MOVE IT! MOVE IT MOVEEEEE IT!!!!" screamed the overly muscled Michelin-man of a gym instructor.

"YOU DIDN'T COME HERE TO WALK SO MOOOOOOVE YYOOOUR LAZY ASSES!!!
YOU CALL THAT A PUNCH??!!!
YOU CALL THAT A PUNCH?!!
SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!
MOOOOVE IT!!!"

I swear he could get a stroke screaming like that.

But it didn't matter how much he screamed.

I couldn't do anything anymore. My arms were dead.
The 3kg dumbbells have sapped strength out of my arms and no amount of motivational screaming could change that.
(maybe if he shaved his chest and didn't wear the gold chain, I could also take him a bit more seriously)

"How much more of this do I have to do?" I asked AJ.
"Well.. we've just started.. maybe 45 more minutes..."
"Ohh... great..."

The next hour consisted of more sprinting, jogging, frog-jumps, jabbing, uppercuts, hooks. Then when Michelin man decided to 'wind it down' we did 100 push ups, 100 sit-ups and 100 crunches.

Evil bastard.

Maybe the roids got to his brain or something.

***** Two days earlier *****

"Man, I'm sooooo sore. I've been doing this boxing class in Stirling. Its soooo hard!!" complained AJ.

"AJ?! Come on man!! Those exercise classes are easy!!
I think my girlfriend did a few of them last week!!"

And if my girlfriend who could barely do four push-ups can do it, I'm pretty sure everyone can do it.

So I took AJ's offer to join his boxing exercise class.

I mean, how hard could it be?

Plus I've been doing some exercise.... a few months ago I think... maybe...

But I also have a secret weapon!

I've seen the whole series of Hajime No Ippo!

Hajime is a japanese anime series about boxing. In the show you learn about hooks and jabs and shadow punches and dempsey rolls and training and all things boxing. (Btw, this series is the best anime series out there... if you don't believe me - look up the reviews on it).


And from the show, I've learnt that as long as you have 'the Will' and determination, anything is possible.

***** Recent phone conversation with girlfriend*****

"Hey, didn't you do a boxing class a week ago?" I asked.
"No. I did an aerobics and pump class....... "
"ohh.."

Food Adventurer

'How do I know if the place is good?' I asked Tim.

'Well.. what the Chinese aunties do when they visit a new restaurant is order somethin` really basic...

Just like what we did, chicken rice.

If they can make something this simple taste good, then you know you have a winner'

'oooohhhh.. '

I see said the blind man.

Mental note.. make simple good.

Tim has become my mentor in Restaurantonomy (A word that I just made up). And he's given the Red Teapot in Northbridge a thumbs up.

But to tell you the truth I was very worried.

From the outside, a Chinese restaurant with no asian dining-in says a-lotta.

But I chose the Red Teapot because it was said to be one of the better asian eateries in Perth.

And luckily Tim was there to help me critique the place objectively (actually Tim critiques everything).

I like the Red Teapot because they serve china-town tasting cuisine and their menus have pictures. Takes the guess work out of 'braised duck it special sauce'. (Special sauce?! Crem of sumyanguy?)

Now Tim's been everywhere, I think. He's lived in Hong Kong, Malaysia and is well traveled. He's tried everything from snakes and crickets to US$200 all-you-can-eat-made-to-order buffets in Japan. He knows a-plenty about food.

But Tim's not a chef. He works in a comic book store and has the cooking skills of a cement mixer.

He's lazy and refuses to cook and ends up dining-out every single day. So I guess that's where his food expertise comes from.

Now I'd like to think I'm food-adventurous. I'm keen to try new places all the time. But when I visit a Japanese restaurant I ogle at the chicken katsu and the mayonnaise accompaniment. Tim will wonder at the beef Tataki. That's the difference in our food adventuring skills.

Now I dine-out with my girlfriend quite often. She's more akin to places that remind me of lava lamps and fancy mobile phones. Modern, chic and stylish. Very Subiaco, very in-crowd. But I often wonder if the food is really good or is just well-packaged.

Thus I also regular the 'Man-dinners'. Man-dinners drop the metrosexual packaging in search of 'cheap and tasty' places. Beer afterwards is an optional requirement.

Problem with the 'cheap' Man-dinners is that they are limited to kebabs, Chinese and places within a 50-meter range of a pub.

So I'm glad to have met Tim, the food adventurer.

He's someone who'll hang with the hawkers to enjoy a stick of fishballs but will also happily sit with the Fab-5 to enjoy a $54 tasting plate of soft shelled crabs.

Big Two

Were sitting around the table playing Big 2.

Three guys and the new girlfriend.

The girlfriend is quite at home with us three. She smiles and jokes and fills up our honey coated peanut tray when needed.

And she's really good! She's won the last three games. Which is freaky considering she's only learnt how to play four months ago.

Then one of the guys gives out a loud belch.

Bluaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrpp

It was a good burp.

It had a deep bass which reverberated quite nicely from the oesophagus and oral cavity. His mouth focused it well with a good play of both lips and tongue. The duration was not too short but not too long. And the finish was mildly 'wet' but was kept to a minimal.

I gave it a 7/10.

And it was of course, quite gross.

I think the worse part was the digested chilly pepper squid and apple cider after-smell that followed.

(Being impressed by the burp doesn't mean I approve of the habit.. or after smell)

The girlfriend looked at him and screamed

'eww!! that's gross!!', then hitting his arm.

He chucked.

'say excuse me!'

'no! why do I need to say excuse me when you've said it for me' he sniggered.

'because that was rude and gross'

'I don't need to say excuse me...'he murmured

They stared at each other.

The mini discourse ended there.

He finished it off with a I can do anything I want - don't tell me what to do biiaaatchh' face .

And she with a "I'm so embarrassed to be associated with this pig' you look on her face.'

I cleared my throat and looked at my last two cards.

Three of spades and a jack of diamonds.

.

Wonderous Ebay

You know what's the scariest thing about driving at night?
A GPS unit dropping from the windscreen and scaring the bejesus out of you.

There I was driving in some unknown suburb, the streets were pitch black. The soft glow of the GPS providing a false sense of security that I wont get lost. Then..

BAAAAM!!

The GPS falls on the dash and rolls unto the floor.

I'll confess that my undies weren't completely dry after that.

The cold dry night meant the GPS suction thing didn't properly stick to the glass.

Now my GPS has been dropped so many times. I'm beginning to worry that my warranty will get void.

So I decided I was gonna MacGyver my way into making a car vent holder for my GPS.

I was going to steal the vent clips from a pair air-fresheners join it together with 2mm aluminium wires then moulded a clip using baking dough from the craft shop. I would test the moulding with the GPS then finalise the moulding by baking at 400C for half an hour. I'll finish the job with an ash-grey lacquer spray.

That was plan A. Plan B was ebay.

Should be here next week. :)

And I definitely sympathise for those who are addicted to ebay. Bargains galore and the excitement of waiting for something in the post (actually, 90% of the fun is waiting for the stuff to arrive in the mail).

One of my recent of purchases was a pair of William Rast jeans.

To those initiated, William Rast is the designer label of Mr SexyBackWhatGoesAroundComesAroundLovestoned.

His Perth concert is just around the corner so I was thinking of the ways to get into his pants.

(That doesn't sound right).

But anyways. Now all I need is a "Justin! I'll have your babies!" shirt.

Maybe there's one in ebay.

Right the First Time

I just saw the movie “I Think I Love My Wife”.

It’s an okay movie. 6.5/10 me thinks.
It’s about married life and the temptations of the ‘other woman’. The movie breaks no new grounds here. And it’s a pretty slow film.

One of the guys I was watching it with me fell asleep. But I heard he sleeps in all the movies.

But there’s a section there that I liked.

Chris Rock explains that the whole living life like there’s no tomorrow was all bullsh!t. The fact is, the vast majority of us live pretty long lives. And we have to live our lives based on those decisions.

That bit struck me because someone criticised me off thinking too much.

They said I wasn't confident with myself thats why I'm slow in making a decisions and doing stuff.

I thought that was a bit unfair.

I mean, its true that I think a lot. I think so much that I've lost a lot of hair (not pubic though.. that still grows wildly)

But to be told that I’m afraid of making mistakes was a bit misplaced.

Mistakes are important because you learn from it they say. But I'm just saying that you don’t have to learn everything from mistakes. Like I don’t have to rob a bank to know that it’s a bad idea.

I'd like to think that I care too much.
As oppose to not caring at all.

**********

My brother and mom spent most of Saturday cleaning up the house and preparing dinner.

I first thought the Pope was visiting our house.

But our guest of honor was someone more important.
It was my brother’s girlfriend’s mom!

I teased brother that it was the dinner for the future mother-in-law.

My brother failed to find the humor in my joke. This is because its the first time he's invited his girlfriend's mom to dinner at our place.

And I could tell my brother really wanted to make a great first impression.

Every corner was vacuumed. The garden and front yard fixed up.

My mom took out our finest dishes and newest cutlery.

My brother even bought new glassware so we could serve fruit juice in cocktail glasses. Talk about extremes!

And I guess my brother just wanted to get things right.

Who could blame him. First impressions count big time.

Specially with the girlfriend's mom.

Reward System

It was only when I saw it used on her little sister did I become aware of her powers.

Kinda like Louise Lane discovering Clark Kent's powers.

Only that my girlfriend is not Superman, and me not Louise Lane.

What I saw was my girlfriend using a reward system on her little sister.

A reward system is a behavioral tool that can be used to brainwash train kids.

It can be of many forms but what my girlfriend made was a chart which listed all the things her little sister needed to do during the week. Every day of good behaviour gets a tick. Get the whole week done and she gets a reward.

The reward is probably a Bratz doll, because eight year old girls idolise skanky girls nowadays.

Of course behavioral tools are not new.
My sister uses stuff she's learned from the "Super nanny" to tame her toddler.

And it works.

My nephew cries at the thought of being banished to the naughty chair.
(Which is strange because adults would jump at the opportunity to be in the naughty chair).

Anyways, I digress.

What surprised me was my girlfriend was using psychological and behavioral control tools to condition her little sister.

And if this works on a 8 year old girl who beats me in Uno, then I'm finding myself increasingly vulnerable to my girlfriends super powers.

Me - very susceptible to mind control