Seven Different Kinds of Smoke

The following bursts of text were inspired by the movie You, Me and Dupree. It wasn't a particularly outstanding movie. It wasn't that funny nor was it very romantic. But what the movie did do was conjure random themed thoughts in my head.

Why didn't you tell me you wrote poetry?
I dunno, maybe 'cause of fear that you'd call me gay

Steve (obviously not his real name!) left our work place after eight years of service. During his farewell shin-bag the boss gave a short speech including the trials and tribulations of young Steve. A story that caught my attention was when Steve requested to take a short course on literature.
This was during the time the boss suggested everyone do something completely different to stretch their mind and mix their creative juices. And so Steve selected literature. Everyone laughed at how funny it would be if Steve wrote novels of love and romance – an image you’d not associate with his balding head and weightlifter figure.

What you did in the bathroom last night was disgusting
I know I know. I'm never eating Buffalo wings again

The problem with public toilets is that most people use it only during emergencies. And I hate it how they make it known that it was an emergency.

Brown stains, walls, dripping.
Horrible. *shiver*

I got news for you, Dupree. You're not that lovable

I’ve come to expect that not everyone can be satisfied. Not everyone will find my blog funny or amusing! That’s fine. I wasn’t writing this for you anyways! Lazy bastard! Write your own blog!
For those who somewhat enjoy me blog – thanks for dropping by :P

I absolutely insist in enjoying life

An enjoyable life must be a short life. A prolonged life must be a dull one. I think this is the undeniable law that governs the balance between life and enjoyment. It can only be broken with the invention of healthy Big Macs.

So he beat you with a candlestick. I bet it happens all the time

I’ve always thought of myself as a video game guru. I’ve spent countless hours in front of the PC and PS2. Surely I'm an expert by now!
Yet after playing Tony’s Wii – I discovered I totally sucked at playing Wii tennis.
I think it’s because I’m crap with racket sports – not because I’m bad with video games. That has to be it.
Nothing like someone completely trashing you on something you thought you were really good at to send you back to earth.

(Talking about Vasectomy) Its also 100% permanent.
No. Its reversible 70% of the time

You’re faced with a problem and you have to make a choice. You make a decision because you believe that’s the best solution at that time. You make your choice and you go your merry way.

Then along comes someone who says “oh – you did that? Maybe you should have done this this and this…” Fair enough. I was misinformed.

But when they add, “You should have told me, I would have advised you better!” or
"you should have come to me, I know better.." It brings blood to a boil.

I can't see Audrey Hepburn getting buttered up to "Funky Cold Medina"
I can

When I was working for an engineering firm, the company was made up of mostly 50 year old men. They were all very knowledgeable in their respective fields and I admired them for that. But what I did find disturbing was their attitude to women.

Every time a woman passes by our desks they would hoot and jeer like frat boys.They would whistle and make funny body movements similar to the dance steps of Kylie Minogue's Locomotion. I thought it was very offensive...!

Simply because the women were old enough to be my mom!!

It’s kinda similar to finding your dad’s porn collection. It's simply disturbing! Different strokes for different folks.

I’m not dying. I’m just getting married!

I asked my folks if they've always been like that – irritable and nagging, before they were married. It was a unanimous no.
‘He used to be a lot sweeter before we were married. Look at him now. He farts all the time, snores and does weird things.’ Living and coping with each other’s shortcoming. It must be a humongously enormous force that makes people want to get married. I’m still not sure what that force is, but I think it makes you fart.